Victoria Thorsen, a retail manager and mother of two from
Pennsylvania, finds herself in a challenging situation when it comes to childcare. Unlike the scenario painted by Senator JD Vance, who suggested grandparents could help alleviate the burden of childcare costs, Thorsen’s reality is quite different.
Thorsen and her husband, a civilian engineer for the military, both work full-time jobs. Their two young sons, aged 2 and 13 months, attend daycare full-time at a cost of $3,400 per month – nearly half of Thorsen’s monthly salary. While they have two sets of grandparents, neither is able to provide consistent childcare support.
Thorsen’s parents live nearby but are unable to help due to poor health and her father’s demanding work schedule. Her in-laws, on the other hand, live six hours away in another state, making regular assistance impractical. Both sets of grandparents are in their mid-60s and have their own commitments and limitations.
The couple’s childcare needs extend beyond regular working hours. They sometimes require last-minute assistance for work commitments or occasional date nights, which proves difficult to arrange. Thorsen expresses frustration at the assumption that all families have access to grandparents who can easily step in to help.
Thorsen’s mother, for instance, lacks the physical strength to lift a car seat with a 25-pound child. Her father, exhausted from his demanding job, values his limited free time. A recent attempt by her parents to pick up the children from daycare proved stressful, leading her father to declare they couldn’t do it again.
While Thorsen’s in-laws are in better health, their distance and full-time jobs make impromptu help impossible. They can only assist with advance planning, such as for special occasions like a friend’s wedding or when Thorsen’s husband is away for work.
Despite these challenges, Thorsen emphasizes the importance of remaining in the workforce. She cites evidence showing the difficulty women face re-entering the job market after extended absences for childcare. Moreover, she values her career as a key part of her identity.
The couple is also saving for a down payment on a house, with median home prices in their area around $430,000 and high interest rates adding to the financial pressure. This makes Thorsen’s income crucial for their future plans.
Thorsen acknowledges that her parents love their grandchildren but may have a different perspective on childcare. They sometimes question why the couple can’t manage on their own, referencing their own
experiences of raising children without extra help.
The situation highlights a broader issue faced by many working parents who lack readily available family support for childcare. It challenges the notion that grandparents can easily step in to fill childcare gaps, revealing a more complex reality where health issues, distance, and personal commitments often prevent such arrangements.
Thorsen’s experience underscores the need for more comprehensive childcare solutions that don’t rely solely on family support. It also highlights the financial and logistical challenges many families face in balancing work, childcare, and long-term financial goals.
As Thorsen and her husband navigate these challenges, they continue to rely on paid childcare services for the majority of their needs, with occasional help from grandparents when circumstances allow. Their story serves as a reminder of the diverse realities families face when it comes to childcare arrangements and the limitations of relying on extended family support.